The Thing Is

R.C. has a problem with him. He has diarrhea of the mouth. He is constantly saying “I miss you”, and “I love you”. I’m like shit! Fucking say something else. I mean if he loves me so much, then we should be able to talk about different topics, interesting ones, instead we always get hung up on talking about the fact that he misses me. FUCK! I’m getting really sick of it. He is always being mushy and romantic; if I wanted to date a girl I’d be a lesbian. 

Tonight R.C. said “sometimes I’m scared I’m not good enough for you”. And inside my head I was like… well yah, because I am too good for you. He said he was scared I was going to leave him. I reassured him that no, I would never leave him, and that he has no reason to be scared. But the thing is, I would leave him and I most likely will this year. But for some reason I seem to have this thing where I can’t say no sometimes. Doesn’t matter what the situation is, I just can’t do it. We go through this conversation almost at least once a week. It’s repetitive, and annoying. I hate hearing how he’s feeling. He tells me all of his insecurities, and he whiiiiiiiines! Ugh! I can’t stand whiny people. I like it when he’s confident and sure of himself. Not when he’s being a girl and complaining about why he’s not happy with himself. I want him to be a man and grow a pair. I’m sick of dating the girl side of him.

While R.C. was away I found another boyfriend. His name is T.W. He is HOT, and black (I’m not saying that I like black guys better, it just always seems that the best sex I have is with them). He’s positively irresistible! I met him while he was working, and we ended up talking and then dating. Then one day he introduced me to his friend, while we were at some sketchy party, but not as his friend… as his girlfriend. I didn’t know how to act so I just shook her hand and said hi. I didn’t know that now he considered us exclusive! My heart was beating so fast! But I just looked at him and smiled. But I really wasn’t happy about this! I mean, this meant trouble. Big trouble. I already have a boyfriend, so what was I going to do with another one! The answer was simple just play innocent. So T.W. are still dating. But there’s something wrong with him. He’s a compulsive liar, controlling, manipulative, and boring. This guy lies about EVERYTHING. He says he’s “fixing his car”, he doesn’t know the first thing about fixing a transmission problem let alone an oil change! The next day he says that he was burnt by cooking oil at work, he shows me where on his arm… it’s a scar… I mean does he really expect me to be that dumb to actually believe him?!? One time he says that he used to be a “total player”, and “has slept with over fifty girls”. So I feel it’s okay for me to tell him how many people I have slept with, immediately after he says that he was just testing me, and he wanted me to be honest with him. I don’t really see the point of being in a “relationship” with someone if you’re not going to be honest with each other… which I know is a complete contradiction of what I’m doing, by dating multiple people at the same time… But still! It really pisses me off, that he does all of these things, for no reason at all! He has all of this great potential to be the perfect boyfriend: but he blows it.

So this guy I’ve been dating for 9 months is great, sometimes. We’re going to call him Alaska boy. So we went to high school together but he was a senior when I was a lowly freshman. So I could only dream about dating him, let alone sleep with him. So I fantasize about him all through my first year, and then he graduates and I forget he even exists. My freshman year in college, he discovers me. I was on cloud nine. I was ecstatic at the thought that HE remembered me, and was talking to ME! So we start talking and he realizes that I am just super perfect for him, and we start dating. He is stationed in Alaska and so it began my first long distance relationship. It sucked. He was perfect in every way except for the fact that he lived hundreds of miles away. So A month or two passes, and I realize that I can’t do it. I need sex. So I do the only thing I saw fit. I slept with some guy on the football team. He was amazing. He was well over 6’5” and he was muscular and ripped, and just plain hot, it helped that he was black… Anyways, I realized that I can have the best of both worlds. I can have the perfect boyfriend who loves me, and have great sex! So began my life as it is now. R.C. is great. He just was relocated to a city about two hours away from where I live now so things are wonderful. There is just one problem. While he was away, I acquired another boyfriend.

I was walking in a building one day, and I saw a group of men walking together. I caught the attention of one of them and we locked eyes. We passed each other but kept walking. A half hour later I was in the same hallway and he stopped me; asked me for my name, and number. The same evening we had crazy, impulsive, hot sweaty sex.

I think the first time I really realized that sex was just sex and nothing more was when I lost my virginity. I was at a party and a guy I had just met was whispering the sweetest things into my little virgin ear. And that’s all it took, some douche bag of a guy to say some rehearsed shit, that he probably used on a million girls; and he got my brand new red lace panties off. After he finished I realized I would probably never see him again. I most likely would forget to get his number. We were both two strangers that would both be better off if we called it quits before we even started. So that was that. From then on it was just sex. When you’re a little kid, you are taught that sex is a way to show how much you love someone. You’re only supposed to sleep with someone who you truly love. But I mean, does anyone really believe that? I mean sure, it’s a nice thought. But we don’t live in that world. Our world is tough sometimes and a little sex here and there would do us some good! Most of my friends think that you can’t sleep with complete strangers… but random sex is the best. No strings attached just sex. (Well unless the stranger is really terrible in bed, in that case… better luck next time!) 

I don’t think that relationships are really my forte. In fact I know they’re not. I don’t know how to say no. I am currently in three relationships, with three different men. I find myself attracted to guys that want to settle down. And before I know it, what I intended to be just a fling turns into a full fledged relationship! It’s terrible. I think what I need is four clones of me. One to be with each one, and the fourth to be single.